Should Money Make Someone Attractive?

by TTMK on January 14, 2013 · 8 comments

There are of course many things that go into having people become attracted to one another.  Looks and attractiveness might be the first draw.  What might really draw two people together are other attributes such as sense of humor, having fun together, and simply just wanting to be with each other so much.  When similar interests and values are present, it’s a magical combination.

Those are all wonderful things.  Hopefully, people don’t put money in the mix as one of the most important aspects of attractiveness.  At least that’s my view, as I think that there are far more important things than money in life.

Sound strange, coming from me? Someone who’s been blogging about money for several years, here and elsewhere saying money isn’t super important? Really?

Yes, really.  Now, I’m not trying to say that it isn’t important at all.  I think that ultimately, it really helps if people see things the same way with money, or can at least work out a happy medium between their two viewpoints and approaches to it.  The ability to compromise is a great attribute and skill, and one that can overcome quite a bit.

Additionally, I have to of course acknowledge that money is something that can cause discord.  We talk about such things on occasion here. We know that there are many money fights couples have,  Accordingly, it’s important to discuss financial goals ahead of time, to make sure people are on the same page.  Financial compatibility is huge.

Nevertheless, while money is important, should it really make somebody more attractive.  Or, unattractive if they don’t have any?

I find it interesting to think that people would knowingly marry someone who finds his or her financial situation to be a big part of the draw.  If money wasn’t there, would that other person still be interested?  If the answer is yes, then the person is there with you for the long haul, and may be a genuine keeper.  If the answer is no, wouldn’t that be a bit concerning?

What I’m getting at is that despite our surface level, natural affinity for money and security, it’s truly the person underneath it all that matters the most.  If two people are truly a great match and meant for each other, one would think that money issues could be figured out for both people to have their needs met.

My Questions for You

What do you think of the notion that money shouldn’t make someone attractive (or unattractive)?

What are your thoughts about the notion that two people who are committed to compromise and mutual happiness can figure out money issues?

 

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Goldeneer January 14, 2013 at 12:27 pm

Interesting topic. A while back, I would have said that money isn’t important to find the person who you truly love. Then I realized that finding a partner who has similar values (money included) on top of love is very important.

Finding a partner with more money than me isn’t attractive as it can change the balance of power in a relationship. Finding a partner who has aligned spending and investing values as me is very important. My partner and I have grown together to have the same values on money (early retirement freedom, modest lifestyle). If we had diverged at the beginning, our relationship may have been entirely different.

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TTMK January 14, 2013 at 7:31 pm

Goldeneer – I think you have some really good insights here. While money isn’t the most important thing, people not being aligned in some ways can create potential issues that would need to be managed, at the very least.

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Christopher @ This that and the MBA January 15, 2013 at 7:38 am

I don’t necessarily think that money makes someone more attractive, but usually one that has more money that they have earned has more ambition than someone who has less. In the sense that they usually have an education and they have goals in life. Maybe i am just speaking from experience working in an environment where there are many entry level office/receptionist workers. They are attractive in their own right, but just looking at them wondering why they do not want to move up or get out of the rut of doing medial tasks. Don’t take this the wrong way as me saying there is anything wrong with that. I just look at it from my perspective, why…I am always looking to better myself and i think someone that has more money has taken the time to better themselves or at least put them self in a better position to succeed.

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TTMK January 15, 2013 at 10:33 pm

Christopher – I like your distinction between money earned vs. just having money. That difference can reveal a very different story!

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The College Investor January 16, 2013 at 12:17 am

I don’t think that money makes people attractive, but rather how they spend it and how they’ve made it. Like Chris said, earning lots may speak well to ambition or other positive traits. Plus, spending it on “good things” versus, say, a Ferrari, also gives important signals.

If you understand those two traits, I think that people of all income levels can be compatible.

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TTMK January 16, 2013 at 8:54 pm

Robert – I think that habits are very important, personally. Being alingned on habits is a great start, maybe close to being a prerequisite?

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AverageJoe January 16, 2013 at 8:18 pm

I’m gonna piggyback Chris and Robert. Amen to those thoughts. However, to add another dimension, I don’t mind someone buying a Ferrari if they have tons of cash. Len Penzo had a great post talking about what it feels like to be a billionaire. To a billionaire, a Ferrari is nothing. Big deal. However, (and I’m pretty sure this was Robert’s point) someone who buys a Ferrari to park next to the double wide is in trouble.

I want to know that someone has the desire to earn an income and support themselves. That’s an attractor to me. I also want someone who is going to respect money. If they don’t respect money, what does that say for a relationship? Definitely something that makes a person unattractive to me….

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TTMK January 16, 2013 at 8:55 pm

Average Joe – respecting money, both theirs and yours, is a big deal. I agree.

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