Money and Remarriage: Differences Between Men and Women

by TTMK on October 30, 2013 · 13 comments

money and marriage men vs womenWhen faced with the opportunity to remarry, who do you think would be more interested: men or women?

According to an in interesting article I read on Market Watch, the answer would be men.  The article references a survey that apparently indicated that wealthy divorced men would be much more likely to remarry in the next 5 years than would divorced women.

It would suggest, based on that article, that men are more needy.  I’ve written about an insecure husband I knew before, and think that men – like women – have idiosyncrasies that don’t always carry over to the opposite gender.  When it comes to money, who has more, and how important of an attribute it is to a relationship, there are probably differences among people.

As a guy, my perception has generally been that when younger, most men and women expect that they will eventually get married.  Often times, people want the same general thing in life: a partner, kids, family, and to be loved.  It just seems like when younger, women are a bit more focused on it than men, and a little bit more time-sensitive about it.   This seems perfectly understandable and fair as there is more of a biological clock issue with women compared to men.  There are many exceptions, of course, but based on what I’ve seen I’d say this is a generality that applies to more than half the cases.

What’s interesting is that when faced with a choice of pursuing remarriage presumably when older, the numbers indicate that men are more interested.   The first thing I thought of was that maybe women are a lot smarter than guys, figuring out that we don’t change once married.  Once bitten, twice shy?  It sure seems practical 🙂

On the other hand, men seem anxious to get back in the game and find a companion.  And, are willing to use their wealth as a tool to attract a mate, or at least alleviate any concerns that he is interested in her for monetary reasons.  They seem less worried about being used for their wealth than women do.

What does this mean?  Is it that once she’s independently financially secure, a woman is simply less motivated to marry or have a partner? Or, perhaps once she has that and has kids, she has less incentive to marry or settle?

As far as men go, is it that they generally don’t care about women’s finances, and simply want the companionship for its own sake?  Or, are men simply more needy creatures as the years go by?

Maybe it boils down to this: it still might be a little more socially distasteful for a man to be attracted to a woman’s wealth than it is for a woman to be attracted to a man’s wealth.  In other words, while many people later in life want to avoid gold diggers, a male gold digger is especially suspect.

I wonder how this has changed over the years, and if different answers on the remarriage question would be given a generation ago when women simply didn’t have all the same career opportunities as they rightfully do today.

My Questions for You

Do these findings surprise you, that wealthy men are much more interested in remarriage than are wealthy women?

What do you think is the reason – or reasons – behind this gap in interest?

Do you agree with the suggestion made above that society less harshly judges women attracted to money than men attracted to money?

 

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Kevin H @ Growing Family Benefits October 30, 2013 at 7:24 am

The article focused on wealthy men and women. You may not be able to project these results across men and women of more normal means.

Most divorced men are not wealthy at all. Most are strapped. Family law is heavily stacked against men. They often lose half their net worth, time with their children, and increased expenses for child support and alimony. That is not a recipe for wealth accumulation.

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TTMK October 30, 2013 at 10:04 am

Kevin – fair points, and it’s hard to disagree with your comments on bias in family law. Men generally lose out no matter what (though there are exceptions) and it’s often brutally unfair to them. That said, wealthy people lose big money too, and these guys still want companionship. Again, maybe that supports the notion that women are smarter 🙂 Thanks for the comment.

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Money Beagle October 30, 2013 at 11:10 am

I’m a guy and while I plan on being married to Mrs. Beagle for the rest of my life, if I ever were in this position, I think I wouldn’t see myself getting remarried. But, I didn’t get married until my 30’s so I know that I can take care of myself and my needs, where I think a lot of guys really depend on having a woman to take care of them and nurture them.

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TTMK October 30, 2013 at 8:05 pm

I think you’re right about that MB, about the nurturing part. Plus, I suspect that women are better at networking with one another as they confide in one other. Men…we just don’t do that to the same extent on a personal level. Maybe that’s why older guys need that companionship more?

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krantcents October 30, 2013 at 6:41 pm

Since I have been married (45 + years) for a long time, I asked my wife about this issue. She said she would not remarry if I die. I probably will not remarry either, but I will want some sort of relationship. My wife’s three friends who lost their husbands have not remarried either.

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TTMK October 30, 2013 at 8:34 pm

That’s a healthy, mature conversation to have. Interestingly, your discussion shows the same theme.

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Stefanie @ The Broke and Beautiful Life October 30, 2013 at 7:54 pm

I think you’re right in thinking that wealthier divorced women are probably past their “baby making” prime. That coupled with the fact that they don’t need to rely on anyone for wealth means they don’t really NEED a man for anything. Sure, I’m sure they’d be glad to have companionship. But I think they are more tentative and discerning and maybe not too quick to jump into another marriage- especially when you consider that another failed marriage could put their wealth at risk.

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TTMK October 30, 2013 at 8:42 pm

Interestingly, other than the biological clock part, the same could logically be said for men. Especially those who are wealthier and could put wealth at risk. Yet, men seem to be more willing to put it at risk.

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Emily @ evolvingPF October 31, 2013 at 5:43 pm

Did this study see a difference between the behavior of wealthier and less wealthy men? I think particularly after a divorce, the (statistical) fact that men benefit from marriage than women is thrown into relief. Men should tend to want to get back into the institution and women shouldn’t. I don’t see why that would be different based on wealth.

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TTMK November 1, 2013 at 5:31 pm

I would think that for most regular folks, marriage can benefit each partner. If one person harbors a desire to stay at and not work, it really benefits that person to a high degree. On the other hand, as a prior commenter mentioned, often times men stand to lose a ton in the process (support, alimony, etc) so it can also make sense that they should be scared off. I suppose there are many variable that can influence how this works!

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thepotatohead November 5, 2013 at 10:38 pm

I think if I get married and then subsequently divorced I’d probably opt to not remarry. At least that’s my thoughts at this time, but who knows what happens in 30 years, maybe I’d be super lonely and desperate to remarry.

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