Financial Warning Signs

by TTMK on March 29, 2012 · 3 comments

Think for a moment, to back when you were dating. Or, if you’re dating right now, think about your current mindset toward it.  Then, think about the signals, the cues that you take when trying to get a sense of what the person is really about. Do you ever think about financial warning signs?

Now, as I’ll say here from time to time, there is obviously much more to life than money. This applies to that special someone, or potential special someone, as well.  We can agree on that, right?  Of course, taking that into account, many of us also feel that while money isn’t the one of the most important factors or attributes in a relationship, it’s one thing that finds its way in to the evaluation somehow.   To my way of thinking, money habits are what matter in that regard, not how much somebody makes.

A friend of mine told me, a few years ago actually, about a date that he had around that time with a nice looking woman. He enjoyed her company, and thought that while there wasn’t an instant connection, there might have been some potential there. That is, if it wasn’t for what he heard her say about her expensive traveling preferences.

Here’s what happened. The woman was telling him about a business trip she took, and how she liked the city to which she traveled.  I don’t recall what city it was, but it doesn’t matter. The point is that she said that while she liked traveling there, she didn’t like that her company always had her stay in some mainstream brand name hotel. Rather, she said that she only likes “the best”, and when she travels on vacations she will spend for expensive hotels. To her, it’s simply her standard and a requirement as she thinks many regular hotels are actually gross. Plus, she wants her vacations to be grand affairs and truly relaxing.

According to my friend, at that instant he decided that this girl wouldn’t work for him. No further dates with her, even though she seemed cool otherwise. He just continued the date, had a nice conversation and evening, and didn’t call her again.

I told this to someone, who responded by saying (paraphrased): “He must be stingy, so maybe if she got to know him she wouldn’t want to be with him. No girl likes a guy that’s cheap and judges a girl based on how much she spends. NOT chivalrous at all. What kind of guy would actually think like that?

My response: “A smart guy”.

This could work in reverse too, where a woman gets turned off by a guy who loves to spend lavishly on the best of everything. Gender isn’t the issue, just to be clear. Either way, the idea that someone has spending habits and money values that clearly don’t come close to aligning with yours can be off putting. What my friend saw were definitely financial warning signs.

I think that’s certainly okay!

My Questions for You

What do you think about this situation? Is the guy being ridiculous, or is he being wise?

Do you think it makes sense to pick up on such signals early on, or should people give things more of a chance?

When dating, have you ever seen any early warning signs that turned out to be true? This could be about money, or anything else!

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

FG March 29, 2012 at 9:32 pm

I would also run far away! There is nothing chivalrous in being impoverished because of a great difference of expectations. I’ve seen a couple where this has happened for myself, and it’s not the greatest thing. Your expectations need to be somewhat compatible.

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Bret @ Hope to Prosper April 9, 2012 at 6:39 pm

I think it depends a lot on his level of income. If he makes a lot of money and doesn’t want to spend for a nice hotel or dinner, maybe he is cheap. If he doesn’t earn a high income, then he is smart to avoid someone who wants to live the high life. That is a guaranteed heartache for both parties.

Expecting someone to pay for things they can’t afford isn’t chivalrous, it’s opportunistic.

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TTMK April 13, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Bret – agreed, that’s opportunistic!

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